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Blind Date Goes Sour
by Ali Ashton
aashton@armadamag.com

I have never been the one to go on a blind date, however, when my opportunity came through a local radio station, I thought I would give it a whirl.  I couldn't quite figure out what was so bad with the idea of being live on-air along with oodles of men wanting to take me out on a date that is paid for by the station! Hmm, pick and choose...I can do that!

I chose my date after the grueling Q&A round, on-air segment.  "Shaun" came to pick me up that Friday evening for our broadcasted blind date.  Nerves were bouncing all over when thoughts took over like, "what kind of guys would call into a radio station looking for dates?"  Too Late!  "Shaun" just drove into my apartment complex (not to mention he drove in the clearly marked EXIT gate - look out!  We have a bright one here!).  First impressions were good, he was cute, brought me a long stem red rose and a little blue box that he wrapped himself as a comical gesture that the real Tiffany & Co. will not be making an appearance this evening!

"Shaun" and I had a terrific dinner and scooted on out to a club to get our already tipsy dancing shoes on.  I must say that I know I have some rhythm from my dance background and have the authority to comment when someone completely lacks the art of boogie.  My date proved that night to be one of these stick figures with his 6-step move, repeat, repeat, repeat!  It reminded me of the annoying animated clipart pictures with one movement that recurs over and over again!  We parted on good terms and with the idea to potentially hang out again.  If worse came to worse I could hook him up with my own dance lessons!

The next weekend I called to say hi and Mr. Monster Mash was so plastered that he handed the phone to a random girl to converse for him!  Whatever, from that point I only wanted to make sure he had a safe ride home.  Sunday morning rolls around and he leaves me a voicemail in a rude tone mumbling unimportant blah blah blah's. I replied with telling him his "sweetness just wore off and to take care."  I thought my hands were wiped clean until the little third grader called with another cheesy and obnoxiously loud message saying,  "I'm ALL about the sweetness baby, ALL about the sweetness."

I, of course, let it go so I don't have to play any additional nonsensical
games and waste time with checking voicemail, even though they are slightly entertaining!  Lone and Behold, Mr. "Shaun" calls again Tuesday night to ask if we had broken up!  After one date!  Not wanting to investigate and determine if sarcasm was in play, I just stuck with the belief that he made this call from a place labeled Loserville.

So when it comes down to a book report on my one and only blind date of the decade, it went well.  The date itself couldn't have been any smoother.  The person I went on the date with on the other hand, a bump on the old log...and probably still reading "The Little Engine that Could."  But at least he is trying!

Good luck Partner!